For the past few months God has been trying to teach me the gifts of patience and trust. Sadly I don’t seem to be a quick learner.
We are in the process of leaving Carl’s curacy Church and heading to his first incumbency (vicar job) and since June it has felt like God was calling us to trust Him and be patient; something I find very hard to do. I like to feel in control of my life, and that of my family. I like knowing what is happening next and when it’s happening. This was not God’s plan. In asking us to trust Him He has revealed one piece of the puzzle at a time and it has been so frustrating! I have not be able to ‘do’ anything to speed the process up and I have realised that if I’m not able to ‘do’ then I feel out of control and when I feel out of control I reach for anything I can be in control of. Which is ridiculous really because the ‘thing’ I should be reaching for isn’t a thing at all, it is God. The ONE who is constant, reliable and always there.
On my dog walk today, yes I’m back listening to God while out walking, I saw a beautiful rainbow (just after being soaked in a downpour)
And yet still, in times of uncertainty, I panic and my first response isn’t to go to God my first response is to try and control things in my own strength. “God are you sure you know what your doing here, remember we have kids right?” Like I could do a better job than God.
I heard a talk recently about how an Oak tree is a blueprint for our lives, their roots spread deep and far and yet they are unseen. What is unseen is the most significant.
My hope should come from God and not from the earthly things which are out of my control anyway despite my attempts to control them. I need to develop deep roots so that when uncertainty comes, and things feel a bit unsettled and stormy, I can lean into God rather than trying to grab hold of things which will ultimately fail me.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name