Scrolling back, I think many of my posts come after God has ‘moved’ in some way. Posts about God being faithful and a provider. I don’t seem to be very good at praising God within the storm.
Because it’s easy to praise God and be thankful isn’t it, when life is going ok, the kids are happy, those glorious moments when I’m not shouting at them or Carl (it happens trust me).
Sunday was one of these great God days, it felt like God was moving in the Church service and it was beautiful, after the service I made plans to meet the following day with a friend to pray together. Sunday was a good God day.
And then it was Monday…
When days like yesterday come along, I’m just plain done in or undone, I don’t know. Days when there is no motivation to do anything, days that leave the emotions so close to the surface with seemingly no reason, days I don’t want to be around anyone; even myself, days when it’s easier to climb back into bed rather than do something I know will be life giving…spending time with God. Yesterday I retreated, instead of reaching for God and I went for the comfort of bed and chocolate.
I know depression is often referred to as “the black dog” but for me it’s not like that. It’s more like a fog. At first I can’t even see it and slowly it creeps further forward as it silently surrounds and leads me away from God, Carl and myself. Thankfully yesterday was just ‘one of those days’ and I’m not becoming depressed again, I’m just tired. Thankfully I can recognise the signs but sadly I haven’t quite learnt to go to the right place or person for rest and comfort. For now, when the darkness creeps around I reach for those things that bring immediate and short relief rather than the God who will bring lasting peace and assurance. I know God is helping me to address that.
So this isn’t an all singing all dancing post from the mountain top but it is an eye opening post, mostly to remind myself, that even in days like yesterday, when it feels like I’m in the valley, that God is still with me and he is still teaching me. It may be a little harder to hear him speak but he is still speaking. I just need to lean in to him and listen up.