I had a rather dissapointing wake up call this morning. It was a letter and then a phone call (what about isn’t really important) and before I knew it my body, brain and emotions were responding.
Your going food shopping, let’s load up on chocolate and you’ll feel all better!
I managed to text a friend who spoke some wisdom into my feelings and I managed to avoid the chocolate.
My brain tried again…
Not chocolate? How about a gossip mag, you love those, let’s criticise others to make you feel better!
Again I managed to walk away and my brain tried once more…
No mag? Ok, ok. How about some new clothes? That’s definitely gonna work!
You can see the pattern of my brain. I managed to get through my shopping; almost in tears but, no chocolate, no mags, no clothes.
And then my realisation, did you notice it? Nowhere did I turn to God for help. Not once. And then it hit me, I crave comfort from food, trash mags & clothes more than I crave God. Ouch!
I love to read but sadly 4 children has taken its toll on my brain so retaining what I read is a struggle, cue highlighter and notebook. I’m reading a great book at the moment on this very subject and it’s bringing up a lot for me.
- God is not first in my life and so when temptation comes along I have no leg/scripture to stand on. I get knocked down time and again.
- I had no one to be accountable to, so I could inhale as much chocolate as I wanted and didn’t have to confess it to anyone (secret sin and guilt)…that has changed.
- I don’t know what my identity is as a daughter of God, this is going to change!
- I have been stuck with the same ‘go to’s’ for the past 5 years, if not longer.
So, as you can see, I’ve got some stuff to work on. I’m finally realising that I’m not going to get an overnight quick fix, God is not my fairy godmother and I need to step up and do my part and let God do his, otherwise I’m stuck here for a very long time.
Finally, this book has taught me something, which is becoming my mantra…
I am made for more that this, I am made for victory
And so are you!