Ever enough?

I started blogging just over year ago. My husband thought it would be a good way for me to process the journey I have been on. And it has been…

And yet…

I still have the negative talk going on in my head.

I have nothing of use to say, other people are so much more eloquent, my story is of no help, no one cares what you write or say…

It’s not just in the context of blogging that I become my worst critic, it’s every area of my life.

Carl and I have just been on a marriage retreat for the weekend and as we arrived so the negative dialogue began.

All these people are so much more interesting than you are, they have so much knowledge and wisdom, they are funnier/ more relaxed, more at ease, better at conversation, not boring…

And I don’t think I’m the only person to do this, at least I hope I’m not. I think there are many of us that put ourselves down when we compare ourselves to others. And that’s the root isn’t it, comparison. I’m pretty sure comparison should be a illegal or something, it’s not life giving or beneficial it just seems to destroy everything in its path.

And again it’s an area the devil knows is a weakness for me so it’s an easy target for him isn’t it. In fact he hardly needs to do or say anything these days because I’m so good at down by it to myself.

But why? Why do I and many others always put ourselves into last position, the bottom of the pile?

For me I have always struggled with drawing attention to myself, seeing it as prideful or boastful when really I should allow myself to receive praise and continue moving forward. Because if I have spoken in church or written a blog post it is because God has called me to do it and that should be something to celebrate not play down as if I’m ashamed of it.

God has given me gifts, whether I like them or not (and public speaking is right out of my comfort zone) He has walked me through seasons in life which need to be spoken about and rather than saying to myself

Please God not me, someone else would do it better

I need to instead say

Why not me?

Because if He calls me then it’s because He’s given me and me alone something to say.

And I need to remind myself that God has made me to be me and not to be a copy of someone else. So, less negative self talk and playing myself down or worse not even trying but actually trusting God that He has put in me all that I need. As He has in you!