Faith, hope and love

Today I went on a training morning entitled ‘Depression – how can we help’ Nice and light for a Wednesday morning. I figured, being the super vicars wife that I am, and our churches family outreach worker it would give me some super sparkly skills in supporting those both in my church and community walking through depression.

What I did not anticipate was it also touching the apparently still raw nerve of my own experience.

I think we all too quickly believe or hope that when we have come through something, whether that be depression, anxiety whatever it may be, that we magically come out the other side and it no longer impacts us. “I am free from… it doesn’t have power over me any longer”.

And while that may be true for some, for me it would appear that my experience with depression and an eating disorder are things which remain with me. Maybe not on a daily basis but they quietly linger in the background waiting to trip me up if I’ll let them.

For me, today it was the mention of using food as a method of control when it feels like life going on around us is out of control, slam, boy that took me back to those feelings! Those feelings of 6 years ago, those feelings of shame and isolation. Those feelings I thought were long gone.

But…I am not the same person as 7 years ago! That shame and guilt and isolation does not have the power it once did! I am more self aware than I was then, I am better at practising self care and asking for help, support, advice when I need it, I hold onto the truths God has spoken even though I may not always feel like they are true.

There have been times I have prayed for complete freedom but today I realised that I actually value that thorn in my side, it reminds me of who I am and who God is. It reminds me that God knows the plan and he asks me to trust him in it. I do not want that thorn removed because it gives me great empathy and a heart for those walking a similar journey and it gives me hope, a hope for my future and for yours.

I’m reminded of my new tattoo faith, hope and love.

Because of my faith I can have a hope in my future and from that place of faith and hope I can love others as Christ loves me.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Faith, hope and love

  1. Elizabeth Cox says:

    Hi Linz,

    Just to say that, knowing something of your story and the pain of some of those feelings and beliefs, I’m deeply moved by what you write. It’s an extraordinary thing to come to the place where you can begin to embrace your wounds and accept that they are there, never mind actually begin to express gratitude. Wow! It’s joyous to see how you have allowed God to gently lead you into ever deeper yeses to his love.

    I read this today: “Once we use the paradigm where we believe we cannot live with our brokenness, it will mean that we spend all of our energy trying to fix it.” As you continue to let God love you in your brokenness, I don’t doubt that you will find so much more energy for life and kingdom purposes released in and through you!

    Looking forward to seeing you on Friday!

    Love liz xx

    Sent from my iPhone

    Like

  2. Mandy says:

    Thanks for sharing this it was just what I needed to hear as I had a similar experience. Thanks for encouraging us to use our brokenness for God’s glory

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s